Aug 19th, 2010

Someone call Steve Jobs so he can get just a tiny bit of amusement out of his seemingly-always too-serious day: Cosmopolitan – the magazine young women love and men hate to admit they love – has released a sex positions app for the Android market. I know what you’re thinking: no, this won’t help your sex life if you’re already bad in bed. You have to learn to walk before you can crawl. But Cosmo’s at least making it easy for you to pretend you’re not as experienced as you really are.

The app – available for download in the market for $2.99 (which I’m not too keen on buying to check out for myself… yet) – will serve up a daily dosage of sex positions for you to try out when you and your partner find the time to get intimate. That’s all there is to it, really, but you have to begin to wonder if Jobs was right in calling Android a porn store. This is far from porn, but I’m sure those parental supervision advocates slapping Google on the wrist a while back won’t appreciate the open availability of this app to anyone with a phone that can access paid market additions.

passion-pretzel-cosmo-sex-app

While many will argue “Well kids shouldn’t have cell phones anyway,” the fact of the matter is that they do. The app being paid would limit most of those Android-toting kids to just taking a quick gander at the preview images (as they’d need to ask their parents for their credit or debit card information to add to Google Checkout), but even then there are some carriers (T-Mobile here in the US and soon to be a lot more) that allow you to pay for apps alongside your regular usage bill giving your kids freedom to buy whatever they want.

My question is this: will Google remove this app from the Android market? Does Google consider a sex positions app – which doesn’t show actual humans performing said acts – as ‘obscene’ as they consider a Hitler app? They definitely should if Merriam-Webster’s definition of the word is anything to go by, so I’m just waiting to see how they’ll treat this case. Perhaps I can finally lay to rest my qualms with their inconsistency in governing the market, but that remains to be seen. For now, go and get yourself some sex positions!